


Coming Out

by engineer10349



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 18:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6622090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engineer10349/pseuds/engineer10349
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Established Alex/Lucy. The military knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not sure if America still has the 'no gays' rule in the military but if not, just pretend they still do.

“Major Lane?” Lucy didn’t even hear it the first time. She was still lost in her own thoughts after the last question. This was everything that she’d ever been afraid of. Her heart was thumping out of her chest. All of a sudden she became aware of reality, of the man standing in front of her consistently repeating her name. “Major Lane? Should I repeat the question? I asked what was the nature of the relationship between you and Agent Danvers?” She couldn’t lie. But she couldn’t he honest either. She was fired either way. Although, lying would probably get her fired later rather than sooner, so she decided to go with that.

“Yes, I heard the damn question. I’m just trying to recall who that agent is. Is he tall? Short? Hair color?” she asked, desperately trying to sound unfazed when she was imagining just bolting out those doors right now. But she couldn’t. That would be suspicious. But God, she really didn’t want to be here. She had to be though.

“We have a photo of her. Here you go.” He brought her a photo of Alex with a look that told her that he didn’t buy her act. That was okay though. Just so long as the judge did, or at least wasn’t sure, she was okay. She looked at Alex’s picture and tried to convey a ‘thinking face’ for a few seconds.

“I mean ... she kind of looks familiar. I think we’ve met.” She looked away from Alex’s picture and towards this horrible homophobic man instead. Looking at him made her skin crawl, but looking at Alex made her comfortable in a way she couldn’t afford to be right now. She had to be alert. She had to sell this.

“So, for the record, you are denying a personal relationship with Agent Danvers?” he asked with a tone that made her pause. He seemed pretty sure that he had her, which made her think that he had real evidence. In that case, it would be better to just be upfront. But then again, maybe it was all a bluff. Besides, she’d come this far. May as well just continue to lie.

“Yes, I deny a personal relationship with Agent Danver.” She tried to convey exasperation, as if this was all so stupid, as if she wasn’t hopelessly in love with Alex. 

“Danvers,” he corrected. She had learned that trick from Cat calling Kara ‘Kiera’. Of course, Cat got other people’s names wrong all the time so she hadn’t really noticed it at the time. When Kara had announced that she was dating Cat however, it made more sense that Cat was actually trying to emotionally distance herself from someone that she thought she would never have instead of actually being unable to remember the name of her assistant of two years.

“Well, her too,” she said, smiling as though she wasn’t dreading whatever he was going to say next. She didn’t want to leave the military. She certainly didn’t want to leave it with a dishonorable discharge. Her father was going to be furious. 

“Well then, would you care to explain this?” he asked, giving her a photograph of herself outside Alex’s door. She paused for a second, thinking, trying to come up with an explanation. 

“That’s me waiting for my friend Kara. Oh, Kara Danvers. I guess they’re related,” she said with a lot of fake surprise that she hoped was coming off as genuine.

“And would Kara Danvers confirm that you were visiting her, do you think?” he asked in a tone that suggested that he didn’t think that she would.

“Yes,” she said, this time with very real confidence because she really did have faith in Kara.

“No further questions,” he said with a hint of irritation.

She left the court trying to calmly walk, although she was so eager to leave so she admitted her pace may have been a little fast. She got into her car and just sat there for a few minutes. Now that she was finally away from prying eyes, she let her facade break a little. The strain of pretending like she was fine and calm was gone and she leaned her head back and tried to get herself emotionally stable enough to drive a car. She had seen enough women in same gender relationships on TV get into a car crash and she refused to validate the concept. 

Despite having very little food in the house, Lucy decided that today was a great day to order some pizza and ignore her responsibilities. So she drove straight past the shops since they looked busy and she wasn’t in the mood to wait in a line for twenty minutes or struggle to find a park. She went a little over the speed limit, more than she usually did, which she knew was a bad idea, but she just wanted to get home and she didn’t know how much longer she could hold it together. 

When she finally walked into her apartment and shut the door she just leaned against it. She didn’t know if she should cry now or hold off for a bit so she could order some food, so she just stood there for a few seconds and tried to see if she could gather the mental energy to keep it together for a little longer. “Baby!” Lucy turned suddenly to see Alex walking towards her. “I didn’t hear you come in. I went shopping because we were out of, like, everything, and I don’t know how you feel about frozen pizza but I love it so I bought, like, 10, but I’ll eat them all if you don’t like it and I’ll make you something else ...” Alex stopped talking once she had reached Lucy because her girlfriend just fell into her arms and started crying. Alex picked her up easily and moved them so they were lying comfortably on the couch, with Lucy crying into her shoulder and Alex holding her tightly.

After twenty minutes the sobs subsided, and Lucy started talking softly. “I don’t think they can prove it. Us, I mean. At least not yet. But how long can this really go on? They had photographs of me outside your door. God knows how. The American government is always watching I guess. I used to think that was reassuring. Funny, huh?” Growing up Lucy had always believed that the American government should have more powers, more access to information, because that way they could stop more bad people, right? But as she had gotten older she had become acutely more aware of the dangers of the government being able to access everyone’s data and the need to balance privacy with security.

“Luce, if you want to break up, I understand,” said Alex, trying to sound calm despite the immense hurt. She had always been scared that this would happen. Lucy was in the military, and she knew about the military’s rules, and it’s not like she expected Lucy to prioritize her over her career. It’s why she had been so hesitant to go out with Lucy when she had asked. She had told herself that it would be fine, that she wouldn’t get attached, and yet here they were, one year later.

“No! Look, I love the military. I do. But I love you more. And if I have to choose, I’d choose you in a heartbeat. I just wish this wasn’t happening. I hate having to lie to everybody I meet once I step out that door. I hate not being able to tell people how much I love you, especially when that Trashwell guy keeps hitting on you.” Lucy had named Max ‘Trashwell’ after the first time Alex had told her about him and his persistence with her new girlfriend. Sure, she was upset that he tried to hurt Kara, but she was mostly annoyed that he thought that he was good enough for Alex.

“Baby I’m not going to leave you for Trashwell. Honestly, nobody would leave anybody for that guy. That guy isn’t good enough for a cactus.” Alex had always been genuinely confused as to why Max would ever think he had a chance with her. She was a good person, she risked her life to protect people, and she was obviously very attached to her sister which Max had decided was a threat because she was from somewhere else. He was a xenophobic, arrogant jerk with a hero complex who had decided that he was valid because his parents had died. Lots of people lose their parents, it didn’t turn them into horrible people. Honestly, she wouldn’t wish a date with Maxwell Lord on her worst enemy. Especially as a way to somehow ‘redeem’ him; as if someone should actually enter a relationship with a bad person so that they can ‘fix’ them; as if they should sacrifice their time, energy and happiness in order to teach someone basic moral principles like ‘don’t kill people’; as if someone needs to be in a romantic relationship in order to learn how to be a decent human being.

“I know, but it’s not the point. People try to set you up because they think your single and I have to stand there and watch people flirt with you and pretend that I’m not jealous. And I know that you’d never cheat on me, I’m just sick of pretending, and I’m sick of making you pretend.”

“Well if you want to stop pretending, you have to leave the military. And I know you don’t really want that,” said Alex, running her hands through Lucy’s hair. Lucy loved the military, but she hated the rule that meant that she had to lie about who she was. Then again, she’d never had her sexuality put on trial before. And although Alex was unaware of this fact, she’d never been in a relationship with a woman before. Lucy didn’t like lying about who she was, but she hated that it meant that the person that she loved had to hide too.

“Maybe I do.” Lucy had thought about leaving the military since her second date with Alex. It had always been an idea she never really planned to act on, but now it seemed like it might make things easier.

“Maybe. You know I’ll support you no matter what, right?” Alex had obviously always wanted for Lucy to come home and tell her that she was done with the military and they could be open now, but she had never expected it, and she had certainly never told Lucy that. She was willing to keep this a secret till the day she died if that’s what made Lucy happy.

“Yeah, I know. So how about some pizza?” Lucy asked, partly because she was ready to switch topics and partly because she remembered how hungry she was. 

“Great! I even got one with some vegetables on it, just for you,” said Alex. Lucy smiled as she remembered their first date. Alex had ordered steak, she had gone with the salad. It really should have been apparent how different their tastes were. Still, they had managed to make it work. Lucy had discovered the wonders of food not available on a military base, and Alex had discovered that if you put enough sauce on vegetables they’re not half bad. 

Alex realized after a few seconds that Lucy had no intention of moving so she picked her up again and walked over to the freezer. She held onto Lucy a few seconds longer as Lucy cuddled into her. She did enjoy how affectionate Lucy was when she was like this, given that she had been raised in the military she was often fairly reserved about expressing affection, although Alex would much rather her girlfriend never touch her than be sad. Alex put Lucy down so that she could get the pizza out and put it in the oven. Then they went back to cuddling on the couch and watching what was on TV. 

“Would Kara lie to protect us?” Lucy asked suddenly. 

“Um ... probably,” said Alex, deciding not to mention just how bad of a liar her sister was. “Why?” she asked gently, hoping that Kara did not need to be convincing.

“I said I was with Kara when I was with you. I think they’ll ask her to testify.” She felt Alex tense slightly. “This isn’t going to go well, is it?” she said in such a defeated voice that Alex tightened her grip around her girlfriend’s waist. 

“Look, Kara isn’t the best liar. She’ll try though, I’m sure.” Lucy sighed. She was so sick of this. She wondered why she kept putting herself through it. She knew the answer though. Her dad. Her dad had always been so proud that she was in the military. It had been a huge bonding point for them. She had never told him that she was bisexual, and she had always secretly hoped that she’d fall in love with a man and she wouldn’t have to worry about it, even though she knew that regardless of who she fell in love with this was who she was and she didn’t want to hide that. She had thought that when she found James that he could be the man she had always wanted, although obviously that hadn’t worked out. But now this thing with Alex seemed like it could last, and she wondered if maybe it was time she accepted that. If her father didn’t approve, well, that was his problem. She loved Alex far more than she loved him. Alex loved her for who she was, accepted her, supported her and believed in her. She wasn’t sure that her father did any of those things. 

Lucy took Alex’s hand and held it, bringing it closer to her chest. She pulled Alex into her as she stared at the screen, not really taking any of it in, just using it as white noise to think. She had put so much effort into hiding her sexuality from such a young age that she had never really stopped to think about if she really wanted to. If she still wanted to. Because coming out to her father at sixteen probably would have been a terrible idea, he probably would’ve kicked her out and she would’ve lived on the streets. But now she didn’t need his money, she had skills that she could use outside of the military so it didn’t really matter if they kicked her out, and probably more importantly she didn’t need the validation of anyone else. “Baby can you turn the TV off?” she asked quietly. Her heart was pounding harder than it had been in that court room, but this time it felt right.

“Sure,” said Alex, slightly confused, but turning the TV off immediately. Lucy got her phone out with the hand not holding Alex’s hand and dialed someone Alex couldn’t see the name of. Lucy put the phone to her ear and squeezed Alex’s hand tighter than she ever had before and it kind of hurt but Alex wouldn’t have let go even if Lucy had broken something. It took a few seconds for the person to answer and Lucy took a breath.

“It’s true. I am dating a woman. I love her. So kick me out. Whatever. It’s your loss,” said Lucy, hanging up and putting the phone back in her pocket. She was shaking a little bit, but as the seconds went by all she felt was relief. “So I guess I can sleep in tomorrow,” she said, trying to break the silence, painfully aware that Alex hadn’t said anything yet. Had she read this all wrong? Was Alex not as serious as she was?

“Good,” said Alex, and Lucy relaxed. Alex took a few seconds to really process what had happened, and then she just beamed. “So we can be publicly affectionate now?” asked Alex.

“Yeah,” said Lucy, who was smiling too now. She could take Alex out and hold her hand now. She could tell Trashwell to keep his comments about her girlfriend to himself now. 

“We could maybe get married one day?” asked Alex softly. She’d never brought up marriage before because that seemed to be completely off the table but now it was possible.

“Yeah,” said Lucy, trying very hard to downplay the excitement she felt. Alex had been pretty reserved about her feelings, especially early on in their relationship, so she had purposely avoided bringing up marriage and she was very pleasantly surprised that Alex had. 

“Does this mean we can be, like, Instagram official? Like where I take a picture of us and put ‘me and my very cute girlfriend’?” asked Alex, who hated how low her girlfriend’s self esteem could be and so liked to remind her that not only did she think that she was very cute, but that she wanted to tell the world how much she loved her girlfriend.

“Oh please I’ll take a way better picture of us; your phone is ancient,” said Lucy, getting her phone out and snapping a picture with the caption ‘me and my very cute girlfriend’. She only hesitated for a second before she pressed ‘Post’. They only had to wait a few seconds for the first comment. It was Kara. The message said ‘So happy for you guys!!! :)’. Lucy released a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. She didn’t think Kara would have a problem, but it was just such a relief. It was all just such a relief. The messages kept coming.

‘You two are super cute’ - Winn.

‘About time. Come to the Office where I work tomorrow - I think we might have a job for you.’ - J’onn.

‘So glad you found someone who can make you happy’ - James.

‘My girlfriend tells me this is a good thing and she’s right about everything so ...’ - Cat.

‘Can’t wait to meet my future daughter-in-law’ - Eliza.

‘She looks cute. Looking forward to meeting her’ - Lois.

‘Yeah you two should come to Metropolis sometime’ - Clark.

‘Two aunts are cooler than one :) I bet I could beat both of you at Mario Kart though’ - Carter. 

Lucy was crying again, although she didn’t know why. It was just relief, she supposed, that had her crying for a few minutes as all the negative emotions that had been built up over her entire life escaped her body. She was fine. Everyone was fine. Everyone she cared about still cared about her. She couldn’t quite believe it. Suddenly there was a loud beeping noise and Alex realized that it was the timer for the pizza. “Baby I will be right back okay but only because I feel like you might cry at burnt pizza too,” said Alex, quickly detaching from her girlfriend and running to save the pizza. She did, and it looked great, and she brought Lucy a slice as she sat back down. 

“Thanks,” said Lucy, who had stopped crying when she smelled the pizza come out of the oven and started shoving the slice down her throat the second Alex gave it to her. Alex waited until she had finished the pizza before saying anything.

“So you just came out,” she said, stating the fact because it had all happened so suddenly and she had barely had any time to process it. 

“Yeah,” said Lucy, smiling more than Alex had ever seen her. It seemed the tears were finally over, and she was just left with happy. Alex remembered when she had come out. She was sixteen and her mother was interrogating her over some boy she’d been stuck with for a school project. After a few minutes she’d just gotten sick of it and blurted out ‘I’m gay mum!’. After a few seconds her mother had just said, ‘well then I guess he can come over’. She’d been so relieved after just sixteen years of lying; she couldn’t imagine how much this had been weighing on Lucy. 

“Do you feel okay now?” asked Alex, not wanting her girlfriend to feel like she had to pretend everything was fine.

“I think I feel okay for the first time in my life,” said Lucy, suddenly aware of what it felt like not to have to hide anymore. 

“Did you like the pizza?” asked Alex, satisfied that now that her girlfriend really was okay.

“It could have used a salad,” Lucy said as Alex rolled her eyes. “But yeah, it was good.” Alex smiled. “It’s funny. This day seemed like it might have been the worst day of my life, but now I think I’ll probably look back on it as the best.”

“Oh really? Not the day you asked me out?” Alex asked, because that day was certainly a highlight for her, and also she was hoping to get Lucy to think about good memories for a change.

“God I was so scared when I did that. Scared you’d say no. Scared you’d say yes. But I was so worried when you were on the run and I promised myself if you ever came back I’d ask you out. And then you did. And I almost talked myself out of it a million times but I figured if I can go into a war zone I can do this. Then you said yes and I was still scared. What if it went badly? What if it went well? But now I’m not scared anymore. So yeah, I’m going to stick with this day. The day I stopped being scared.” It wasn’t quite the good memory Alex was hoping for, but she supposed they would just have to start making good memories now that Lucy was finally out and felt safe enough to be open about who she was.

“I’m really happy for you. To be honest, I didn’t think you were ever going to come out,” Alex admitted, because she was relieved too. Not as much as Lucy, obviously, but in a way she had had to go back into the closet again and hide her relationship, and now she was free to be open about who she was with. 

“Honestly I didn’t either. But I mean, it was all going to come apart anyway. So I figured I may as well put it out there myself.” Lucy didn’t tell Alex that she did it all for her. That she was sick of watching her girlfriend have to hide their relationship when Alex was quite clearly ready to be open about it. But it really did work out, because Lucy felt so much better than she had in such a long time, and the only reason that she’d had the courage to do it was her girlfriend.

They watched some more TV, with the help of some of Alex’s favorite ice cream. Lucy hadn’t really had sweets before, which was something Alex insisted on remedying by buying her literally every kind of snack food and getting her to try all of them. It turned out that for once their tastes aligned and Lucy liked all of Alex’s favorites. Lucy really only ate them when Alex did, which Alex had figured out, so she deliberately started eating them whenever her girlfriend seemed a little sad and could use a sugar induced boost. 

They stayed up for a few hours before Lucy fell asleep in Alex’s arms. Alex smiled as she turned the TV off. This had never happened. Lucy had always had trouble falling asleep, since she had always been anxious, but now it seemed that she was a lot more relaxed. Alex carried her to their bed and put her down as gently as she possibly could to avoid waking her. Then she hopped in and quickly fell asleep herself.

The next day Lucy and Alex went to the DEO together. They walked in hand in hand, which was totally unnecessary because Kara had told everyone that they were together already. Lucy was still a little wary about public displays of affection, and Alex had always tended to shy away from them too, but Lucy was nervous so they squeezed each others hands until they felt slightly less nervous. 

J’onn didn’t really need Alex there but he decided it would make Lucy feel better if she stayed so he talked to both of them about what roles in the DEO Lucy would be interested in. She had the contract signed in an hour (she insisted on reading the whole thing before she signed it). 

It was all going so well, and then she saw her father. She didn’t know what he was doing here, but he was walking right towards her. “Lucy, there you are! Your sister has gotten it into her head that you’re dating a woman and I ...” he stopped talking when he got close enough to see his daughter’s hand very firmly holding another woman’s. 

“My name is Alex.” She had done a few ‘meet the parents’ conversations over the years, and she liked to think she’d gotten better at them over time. She no longer tried to apologize for anything, just stood there and tried to support her girlfriend. 

“Lucy?” asked her father, hoping that they were just ‘gal pals’ like the media said about most women seen holding hands.

“I love her dad. I can’t help it.” Lucy had already decided that she was done hiding. Either her dad accepted her or he didn’t.

“Well if you loved me you wouldn’t do this to me.” Alex rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to yell at him, but only because she could see this was something Lucy had to do herself.

“I’m not doing anything to you dad. But if you loved me you wouldn’t ask me to live a lie.” Lucy was trying to stay calm, but she could feel her voice shake a little. She didn’t want him to see her vulnerability, especially because she had a feeling that this wouldn’t go the way she wanted.

“I can’t support this.” Lucy had always known her father wasn’t particularly tolerant. She had always hoped that he would make an exception for her, that he would love her enough to see past his bigotry, but she always knew it wasn’t too likely. It hurt though. But she had Alex, who looked like she was one second away from beating up her father. 

“Well good riddance,” said J’onn suddenly, putting her arm around Lucy. “I’ll be her dad now. I’ll get to walk her down the isle. And then I’ll walk her wife down the isle. I love weddings. Well, I love cake, but you know, same thing.” Lucy’s father turned and left, but she realized she wasn’t really that upset. She didn’t need him. She had a whole support system already and it would’ve been nice if that included her father, but it didn’t, and if he wasn’t going to really be on board why would she want him spewing his intolerance at her? They stayed like that for a few minutes; Lucy leaning into J’onn while Alex held onto her hand, looking at J’onn with gratitude. 

Lucy eventually muttered, “okay I’m good now” and walked off to go actually do her job. She wasn’t really ‘good’ per se, her fathers rejection still stung, but it was manageable, and she knew with time she’d be okay. Also, it was nice to know that she apparently now had a pseudo father figure in J’onn, and honestly she would much rather a brave alien for a dad anyway. 

Alex came to check on her periodically. She often came bringing food, and Alex’s food was definitely an improvement on the stuff she’d eaten on base. It had only been a day, but she was already felt like she had definitely made the right decision. Everything felt so right now. She got to see more of her girlfriend, she got better food, and she was getting paid slightly more than she used to. She was also significantly more calm now that she didn’t have a huge secret hanging over her. All in all, everything worked out. 

Late in the afternoon Alex came by Lucy’s office again. “Are you ready to go baby?” asked Alex. Lucy’s heart spiked for a few seconds until she realized that it was okay now for Alex to call her those kinds of names in public.

“You should go home without me. I think I’ll be here for another hour with this paperwork,” said Lucy without even looking up. She was trying to process these forms as quickly as she could so she should go home to her wonderful girlfriend and eat pizza. 

“Then together we can make it half an hour,” said Alex, taking half of the papers on Lucy’s desk and sitting down at an unoccupied desk. As the Acting Director, Alex had learned a thing or two about paperwork, and even if she hadn’t she would’ve done it anyway. She had always been protective of Lucy. She knew that her girlfriend had had a hard time with her sexuality, and she was a lot more fragile than Alex was. Alex wasn’t going to be too affectionate at work, but she wanted to stay around her as much as possible just to make sure she never felt abandoned. So that she knew she never wanted to go home without her. 

“Thanks baby,” said Lucy so softly that Alex wondered if she’d even heard it. She didn’t say anything though; she just smiled.

They were done in only twenty minutes, a fact Alex was very happy about given her complete disinterest in sitting at a desk, and Alex drove them home without breaking a single speed limit, despite how much it went against her nature, just because she didn’t want to upset her lawyer girlfriend. 

They ate another one of Alex’s frozen pizzas, this time a Meat lovers one, although Alex did get a salad out of the fridge for her girlfriend. “We can share it if you want”, said Lucy, and Alex just laughed. After a few seconds Lucy started laughing too, because honestly, what was she thinking? They cuddled on the couch watching an episode of TV where miraculously all the woman survived, and somewhere along the way Lucy realized that she was for the first time really, truly, happy. Even if not everybody had been supportive, she decided that anybody who didn’t like her the was she was wasn’t someone she wanted around anyway. Even if sometimes she found a really great same gender relationship on TV and then had to watch one or both of them die, she knew that there would be other shows that she would get excited about, even if she did need a few months to heal from the damage the last one did. This wasn’t what she had imagined when she was younger, but only because they younger version of her thought that the things that made her dad happy would make her happy, and that wasn’t true. It might have taken her a while, but she finally found what makes her happy, and despite all the pain it took to get here, it was all worth it now.


End file.
